I really wanted my next post to be the Clandestina scene ‘Kiss’ but it won’t be. I think (and hope, and pray, and cross-my-fingers) that I can have that scene up tomorrow though. I say that, but in all probability it won’t be.
The last few days/weeks have been fairly same-y. I have an ok day, sometimes it isn’t great, but I usually get a little work done.. yet the moment it starts turning dark outside (at like 5pm wtf?) I get knocked over. I start to doubt myself and panic. It’s literally like clockwork. The moment I start feeling uneasy I can tell it’s officially evening. I worry about how I haven’t written enough, haven’t kept up with my blog, how I can’t find a real job,.. it’s exhausting.
With all that comes guilt, and the idea that if I do post on my blog people will just be disappointed it isn’t about Delphinium, or a scene. The point of the scenes idea was to give me small steps to take, so I can feel confident and keep people in the loop. Welp, that failed.
Can’t even tell if this sort of post is appropriate. I mean, yeah, it’s my blog- but you’re here because I’m a writer, not because I’m a depressed post-college 20something. Right?
All that said, I have gotten some work done. Most of it’s worldbuilding, some of it’s plot-related. So yeah, still here and still writing. Slowly, true, but I haven’t stopped. Sometimes Noctuina is all I have.