I sort of fell off the map after I cancelled Delphinium’s pre-order. I’d just started working full time at my new job, which contributed to the cancellation, and I needed to adjust. But more than that I was ashamed that I had to cancel. I have been promising Delphinium ‘soon’ for years now. Many people are waiting for it. I was so close to finishing, and I thought I’d finally found a way with the pre-order and a solid deadline, and having to stop that just shoved me into a funk that I couldn’t shake.
Instead of finishing everything up asap I stopped writing. Looking at the manuscript made me feel ill. I dreaded opening it, re-reading it, adding anything– It only reminded me of how I’d failed yet again. How I was disappointing so many people. So I ignored it entirely.
Yesterday someone pointed out to me that I hadn’t been writing. I snapped back that maybe I’d stop being a writer. I realized as soon as I said it that I didn’t want that. I loved to write and worldbuild and I missed it. We talked a while and whatever weight was on my soul seemed to ease. I can look at Delphinium again, and while I still feel apprehensive, it isn’t the dread it was before.
So, I just wanted to say to everyone that I’m back, and once more I’m sorry for the mess that is my writing my second book.