Where I’ve been

I have had a lot of life altering events happen to me this past year or so. It has both given me a great fervor for writing, and then crushed it. I think it’s finally coming back.

A year ago I began my first real adult job. Two, actually. Shortly after one of them went from part-time to full time. I was not ready for the amount of work and time that that would consume. At the same time I had put up Delphinium for pre-order. I was excited and so ready to release the second book, and the pre-orders were coming in well, and it was amazing. As much as I would have loved to finally release it, work took my energy.

This ended in me having to cancel the pre-order. That was the first blow. The fact that I had disappointed people again just made me retreat. I stopped sending my newsletter and stopped writing. Autumn makes my depression flare up so the more time it was taking me to get back to it, the more it was slipping away. I felt like a failure.

Then in late November my boyfriend of eleven years broke up with me. I don’t want to go into too many details, but the last three and a half months have had me trying to deal with that. I am still dealing with it.

So I have not been in a good place.

Today is March 8th. A year ago exactly I got my first check at work. It is also Pierre’s birthday if we’re translating the calendar. Today I realized that as much as I have gone through and am dealing with, I still have my writing. I have my characters. I have had Pierre longer than my ex, and many more characters before and after him. And they are *mine* and no one else’s, and no one can take them away from me. No one can take my world, my imagination, my writing. Except for me. And I had locked it up because I was sad and afraid.

I’ve unlocked the door. It’s still going to take me a while to fling it open, but I’m peering through the crack, and I like what I see. So I’ll try and open it a little more each day- write a few paragraphs, work on some charts, get back to my newsletter and blog.

– Victoria

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