I have had a lot of life altering events happen to me this past year or so. It has both given me a great fervor for writing, and then crushed it. I think it’s finally coming back.
A year ago I began my first real adult job. Two, actually. Shortly after one of them went from part-time to full time. I was not ready for the amount of work and time that that would consume. At the same time I had put up Delphinium for pre-order. I was excited and so ready to release the second book, and the pre-orders were coming in well, and it was amazing. As much as I would have loved to finally release it, work took my energy.
This ended in me having to cancel the pre-order. That was the first blow. The fact that I had disappointed people again just made me retreat. I stopped sending my newsletter and stopped writing. Autumn makes my depression flare up so the more time it was taking me to get back to it, the more it was slipping away. I felt like a failure.
Then in late November my boyfriend of eleven years broke up with me. I don’t want to go into too many details, but the last three and a half months have had me trying to deal with that. I am still dealing with it.
So I have not been in a good place.
Today is March 8th. A year ago exactly I got my first check at work. It is also Pierre’s birthday if we’re translating the calendar. Today I realized that as much as I have gone through and am dealing with, I still have my writing. I have my characters. I have had Pierre longer than my ex, and many more characters before and after him. And they are *mine* and no one else’s, and no one can take them away from me. No one can take my world, my imagination, my writing. Except for me. And I had locked it up because I was sad and afraid.
I’ve unlocked the door. It’s still going to take me a while to fling it open, but I’m peering through the crack, and I like what I see. So I’ll try and open it a little more each day- write a few paragraphs, work on some charts, get back to my newsletter and blog.
Larkspur’s free for Halloween!
I sort of fell off the map after I cancelled Delphinium’s pre-order. I’d just started working full time at my new job, which contributed to the cancellation, and I needed to adjust. But more than that I was ashamed that I had to cancel. I have been promising Delphinium ‘soon’ for years now. Many people are waiting for it. I was so close to finishing, and I thought I’d finally found a way with the pre-order and a solid deadline, and having to stop that just shoved me into a funk that I couldn’t shake.
Instead of finishing everything up asap I stopped writing. Looking at the manuscript made me feel ill. I dreaded opening it, re-reading it, adding anything– It only reminded me of how I’d failed yet again. How I was disappointing so many people. So I ignored it entirely.
Yesterday someone pointed out to me that I hadn’t been writing. I snapped back that maybe I’d stop being a writer. I realized as soon as I said it that I didn’t want that. I loved to write and worldbuild and I missed it. We talked a while and whatever weight was on my soul seemed to ease. I can look at Delphinium again, and while I still feel apprehensive, it isn’t the dread it was before.
So, I just wanted to say to everyone that I’m back, and once more I’m sorry for the mess that is my writing my second book.
Life has gotten hard the last few weeks. A lot has been happening and my time and energy have just disappeared. I have unfortunately cancelled the pre-order for Delphinium. It will not be finished for the, already delayed, September 30th release. I am so very sorry. I will continue to work on it and it will be out as soon as possible. I am especially sorry to the 41 people who have pre-ordered it. I wish I could have done this differently.
I’m almost finished with Part 1 of Delphinium’s Beta Copy! I’ll need to stay up tonight to get it all like I want it, but I’ll be sending it to my betas before I go to sleep. I’ll finish Part 2 in the upcoming two or three weeks and then edit part 1 again as they look over part 2. Finally I’ll wrap that up and put it all together as the final manuscript on Amazon ❤
It’s going to end up being around 100,000 words in length (Larkspur is only about 15,000 words. For another comparison it’ll be about the length of Prisoner of Azkaban). I was hoping for a bit more, but scenes got cut or rearranged, and I’m sure more of that will happen with even more editing. But I think it’s going to end up as a great sequel. We’re at 38 pre-orders and think that that we still have time to hit 50.
After release I’ll return to posting here more often, Scenes and worldbuilding stuff included. I’ll also start working on Book 3 and the first book in another series.
Come ask me anything about writing, myself, or working at a deli.. 😀
Originally I had aimed to have Delphinium out on August 31st. I’ve bumped the pre-order over by a month and moved it to September 30th. There have been a lot of changes in the book just this last month with me really getting into writing it in detail and I need the time to make sure it’s right (and to give my betas more time as well).
I’m sorry if this disappoints anyone, but I hope a month isn’t much longer to wait, and it helps me get the book exactly where I want it to be 🙂